Finding A Place In The World
Girl has been asking lots of questions tonight and I think it is a sign of her settling back down into peaceful times again, maybe my efforts over the weekend have actually paid off! The questions she asked have been asked before and I am pretty sure they are her way of fathoming her place in the world so she can feel secure again. I certainly hope so because her bottom lip is red-raw from anxiety chewing.
Questions took the form of where do we come from? Will you still be my mommy and daddy when you are a nanny and grandad to my children and what will nanny and grandad be? What if my children are naughty, I won’t know what to do? She once told me (mid-tantrum) that she did not want children just in case they were naughty like she was. It’s heart-wrenching to hear her talk like this but taking a silver lining it’s actually quite insightful stuff about her self-esteem, about her fears and anxieities and any little glimpses that she offers can be used to help her. Sadly at her age I think her only ‘worry’ should be whether to watch Mike The Knight or Jake and The Neverland Pirates (different channels, same time) but lets face it that is never going to happen.
I know for a fact that she still does not understand the complexities of birth mums, foster mums and adoptive mums. She is still convinced that Boy grew in his foster mum’s tummy, despite us explaining carefully a number of times. I have a theory that at the moment it is easier for her to believe what she wants to and switches off when you try to explain differently, after all Boy’s foster mum was a very nice lady, it would be quite acceptable to Girl for her to be the birth mother, though she does struggle to understand why she did not want to keep Boy.
Understanding will come in time and for now we just have to keep our answers consistent and manageable (well actually there is no other way really unless I start telling her fairy stories!).