Back to Routines
It’s been a mixed week. The house has been quiet at points and I have managed to get some housework done but neither child has coped brilliantly well with Girl’s return to school. Although Girl has enjoyed points of her first week like meeting the new headmaster she has been quiet about other aspects, she had a falling out with her best friend which she will not tell us about and got stabbed with a pencil by the boy who started to make her life hell at the end of last year, she has already gone back to taking a long time getting ready for school which is not a good sign but other than that she is behaving ‘normally’. Her teacher called us in for a meeting yesterday to see how she is settling in and I told her it’s too early to say how she is settling in.
As for Boy, where do I start? The first day of Girl returning was lovely, he played nicely and was chatty and responsive. The minute we stood on the playground to collect Girl after school he started to get silly, he started hitting me and trying to bite my bum and pulling and tugging at my fingers, literally swinging off me, he got manic and wild and didn’t stop till bedtime. As the week has progressed his behaviour has taken a downward turn to the point where one day he totally refused to eat, he cries at any little thing and won’t do as he is told, he is constantly acting silly and chattering inanely for attention, just repeating the same things over and over again just for something to say. It’s heartbreaking.
Before Girl returned to school I said I would miss her, that I didn’t want her to go back. Well obviously Boy feels those things too but combined with the lack of understanding in the change of routine again and his age not being able to work out why he feels that way. For him it’s all about separation and anxiety, for life being all mixed up again. I also wonder if the return to school for Girl reminds him subconsciously of when he was first adopted? That was during summer holidays too and the return to school for Girl then was very difficult for Boy. It surely must stir up some emotions on a subconscious level. I always think that the return to school after the summer holidays is different to any other, it always seem’s like a new, fresh beginning and maybe the change from a summer of high activity to mundane every day life has triggered a memory for him.
These are the points where I feel a bit helpless because there is not much I can do, just be there and understand, sometimes it feels as if it’s not enough for them, particularly Boy at the minute. I think Girl understands now that she can talk to me and eventually she will. It’s just a waiting game for Boy to settle into the new school year routine.
SW Social Woker
PASW Post Adoption Social Worker
SALT Speech & Language Therapy
CP Community Paediatrician