Control & Food
Food is a funny issue in our house, an issue experienced by many adoptive families. Boy uses the food as a tool for control but also has sensory issues around food so from one day to the next we cannot predict what he will eat, if anything. It’s something we are just getting on with and not making too much fuss of.
With Girl even now we still have the negotiations about what she is allowed to leave on her plate, usually she will want to leave roughly two forkfuls of food however much we put on the plate. Two forkfuls of food doesn’t sound like a lot but if we had put three forkfuls of food on her plate she would still negotiate to leave them so it’s not the amount she is leaving that’s the issue; it’s the desire to negotiate about leaving some.Granted it’s not every day but lately we have noticed a new pattern of ravenously hungry Girl.
The first time she was ravenous was at nanny’s house, they were serving up SpagBol. Girl likes the spaghetti but has never been so keen on the meat, I usually leave it out and do a tomato and basil sauce instead but this time she ate serving after serving after serving. I was surprised, it was unusual. That is I was surprised until I got home and realised she had not eaten her lunch, she would have eaten anything. For lunch she had eaten some cheese spaghetti, a Frube and just barely a quarter of a sandwich and none of the fruit supplied so by the time she got to nanny’s house for tea she was ravenously hungry because on a day of PE a bit of cheese, a frube and quarter of a sandwich is not enough for a girl as active as Girl, the Girl who runs everywhere.
It’s a pattern that is starting to develop and grow. We have frequent occurrences of her not eating her lunch and being ravenous when she finishes school. When I ask why she has not eaten her sandwich she has ‘accidentally dropped it on the floor’. Girl is a messy eater, has dyspraxic tendencies but at home she has rarely dropped her sandwich on the floor, at school she seems to be doing it all the time. She always eats the sweet yoghurt and the cheese, more often lately she leaves the fruit and Girl loves fruit. She knows I have no control over what she does at school, that she can eat just the sugary yoghurt and the cheese and get away with it.
Our other routine is that every morning Girl has her cereal and then she likes to eat something else like a piece of toast or a crumpet. A routine she has had from foster care. The last few mornings she hasn’t wanted the second item, this morning she ate two spoons of Shreddies then said she didn’t want anything else. She looks tired but I’m pretty sure she is not ill, I think there is something else going on that is making her go back to using food as control. I told her that I am worried that two spoons of shreddies is not enough, that food is her fuel to make her brain work and concentrate but I can’t force her to eat.
It sounds like not a lot to worry about but sometimes it’s the little things that are completely out of character for a girl that likes routine and the familiar that give the biggest signals and since returning to school there have been a lot of these little signs of something being not quite right. I guess the best thing I can do is not make too much of an issue of it but I worry about her lack of concentration in class because of hunger when she is already struggling at school anyway.